Defense mechanism:
de·fense mech·an·ism
- A mental process (e.g., repression or projection) initiated, typically unconsciously, to avoid conscious conflict or anxiety.
I was reading my fair share of fanfiction, and I came across this word. Defense Mechanism. It sounds related to martial arts or something, but it’s actually quite cool. Here is my example:
I’m in my third year of high school, but i should actually be in my third year of college. For me, it’s sad to think that I missed four years of school. So now, i’ve further encouraged myself to not have any boyfriend or suitors so that i can focus on my studies.
Now, you might think that that’s normal, that it’s a sacrifice that i should be willing to make.
Yes, you are totally right! But you see, it gets difficult at times… Ever since i went back to school after my four-year stop, I’ve developed a defense mechanism. When i stepped back on first year of high school, I’ve begun to have crushes on guys that would NEVER EVER NEVER return my feelings.
Okay, so it’s probably normal that your crush won’t feel the same for you. the percentage of guys returning a girl’s feelings are quite low, and most of the time, the guys never do.
But my defense-mechanism-crush is different. He has a pathetic personality. He is an air-head and very boastful! He is also a chick-boy and has too many girlfriends in a consecutively not-permanent manner. And everyone else hates him, so he only hits on year levels lower than his.
What girl would want to like a guy like that?
I would. I try to reason that it’s because he can play the piano and the guitar like no one is watching, he’s so good at it, he sings well, he’s witty and funny, and he’s very talented. I tell my friends that “It’s just a talent-crush; not a personality-crush!”
But is it really?
And after almost three years of this, I only realize it now: I’ve been using my senior crush as a defense mechanism for not getting a boyfriend.
It dawned on me that the reason I’ve always enjoyed his smiles and antics is because he will never be mine. He will never like me back. He’ll probably date a hundred girls but never will it be me, because I believe that he hates me. And that fits me just fine. That is ‘alrighty’ with me because, the truth is, I don’t want a boyfriend. I don’t want myself to have a boyfriend because probably my parents would really hate me for that. Maybe because I have this sudden fear that I might not finish college if i had a boyfriend. Maybe it’s because of the over-traditionalistic people who have no faith in me (myself included).
This is what happens when others put you in a mental box. When you can’t get out, you start dreaming that you’re really free and flying. So that’s why, when I grow up, I’ll make sure my kid grows up knowing the difference of right and real, because if you’re in a box, it’s kinda hard to know behind which side the sun rises.
In some areas of psychology (especially in psychodynamic theory), psychologists talk about “defense mechanisms,” or manners in which we behave or think in certain ways to better protect or “defend” ourselves. Defense mechanisms are one way of looking at how people distance themselves from a full awareness of unpleasant thoughts, feelings and behaviors. (from: http://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-defense-mechanisms/0001251)
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